I decided not to care anymore.

Stating the obvious, I'm sitting in the Grill. I can see Eesha on the other side of the room, sleeping, I think. It's good to see my chubby old mentor again. It gives me the feeling that everything's the same as before, and that nothing's changed.

I think I really...gave Seph the cold shoulder the other day. I couldn't open up to him, or more like I just didn't want to. It isn't necessary Balthazar anymore, but I'm just depressed. I haven't left this place in ages, and I feel like I'm a lazy old package of flesh. And I haven't seen sis in a while either, y'know....

I guess things aren't the same as before, then.

He came awake again, after so long. It felt like we had been separated for seasons, unable to reach, touch or speak to each other, when actually we had always been in the same building, watching over each other as we slept, leaving notes for each other to read. But I don't mind how exaggerated it was, and whether or not those who came into the Grill during our reunion found us rather odd in the head. Just to feel his caress on my cheek, his fingers combing through my hair, his lips on mine - that's all I need in life. And his promise, his promise to never leave me. I know, as I write, that it may sound like something incredibly selfish of me, to force him to say such a thing, that he would never leave me, but did I force him? I'm sure that what I did wasn't 'forcing', but...'pleading'. Because I think I've truly found my heart.

I will confess, here, what I have never written before, is that the very first time I returned to my home and was found by Opin, sitting in the ruins, weeping, I was immediately attracted to him. At that time, I wore Trip's ring around my finger, I was engaged to him, and yet I was attracted and intrigued to the handsome, quiet and withdrawn young man who led me away from the ruins and past rotten houses, down to a new, thriving community where I found old friends and families that seemed almost like my own. But all the time, my eyes were drawn either to my own, ruined home where my parents died, or to Opin himself. And another confession, that is the reason I left, very soon after I returned, that is the reason I left after Trip stated clearly that he loved me. I left because I wanted to run back, childishly infatuated with the looks of a man who I couldn't have.

But when I returned to my homeland, with Seph, I did not feel the same about Opin. My attraction had dwindled away, replaced by adoration and respect. And the pain I felt when Seph told me that the man, I had come to love in a way I would love a brother, had died, is indescribable. And I think, that is the main reason why I have never mentioned here the main reason of my sudden disappearance, so soon after I returned from home to find Trip again. It was because of Opin, who is now dead.

And now I sit by Seph, watching over his sleep, maybe even in his dreams, and I realise that I have found all I have and had and will ever wanted or want in him. This mad cleric, I confess once more, is the love of my life.

I got tears in my eyes as I read his handwriting. Not tears of sorrow or hurt. Tears of utter and complete joy. He's sacrificing time for himself to watch over me as I sleep, guarding me, keeping my nightmares at bay. I don't know what level of beauty he sees as he says he does, or if there is such a beauty, or if he is just saying that to make me feel better, but what really touches my heart is that he's...there. Though I may not hear him, or see his eyes open and smiling, he's still there. And while he's there, I am safe.

Oh, god...I love that cleric.